Adventurers, Fools, Vault Hunters
by EventHorizon6
Summary: A selection of flash fiction stories regarding the Borderlands 2 characters.
1. Blight Phoenix

**Blight Phoenix**

Then something happened that she could not explain. Maya felt heat at her back as the floor beneath her grew brighter and her shadow darker. She lowered her tattooed arm as the power of her phase left her and the badass' body fell limp.

"Maya."

Zer0 lay kneeling on the ground one hand propping him up, the other arm wrapped around his wounded midsection. She did not need to see the face staring at her beneath the helmet to know that something was awry. Maya craned her neck to witness the spectacle when she was nearly blinded in the process. Extending off of her in either direction were wings. Six foot long wings of spontaneous combustion. They flickered as the cinders caught the draft and rolled smoldering across the steel floor. The whole room could see her now. Every bandit, every raider, every badass, and more importantly every vault hunter. She was demon fire, a wicked compilation of motion, harmony, and cataclysm.

Maya's hands shook at this new revelation. So many questions pooled in her mind, so many images of Lilith and Angel and now –

"Let's get you up," she said, reaching for Zer0 and extending a healing hypo to him. There was a quick injection and the assassin's wound became no more than a deep cut.

A psycho screamed, a bandit swore, and an explosion ripped through two bodies behind them casting blood across the floor. But all Maya saw was Zer0. She expected questions, punctuation marks, a sign of bewilderment. Hell, her own disorientation tormented her already. But, at that moment -

"Thank you for saving / A not so innocent life." And then he was leaping over the balcony rail, neon katana drawn to quarter more bandits.

Maya released a breath and returned to the fray.


	2. 15 Psychos on a Deadman's Loot

**-Part One of Two-  
** **15 Psychos on a Deadman's Loot...**

Axton stared at the assassin in confounded surprise, "You don't drink?"

Zer0 said nothing, choosing to stand over Axton's shoulder. The commando was unnerved by both the new revelation of a nonalcoholic vault hunter and that his back was currently turned toward a psychopathic haiku-uttering killer.

"Well, aren't you at least a little curious?" He knew it was borderline peer pressure, but come on, Zer0 needed to lighten up, and if there was any vault hunter that could help the assassin unwind from his calculated lifestyle it was Axton. The commando exuded spontaneity, confidence, and lip. These personality traits had yanked him into some unruly duels in the past. As if on cue, Moxxi slid Axton another bottle of raak ale and the commando set it in front of Zer0. "Sit, drink," he ordered. Zer0 sat, but he did not drink. Rather, he picked up the bottle and turned it around as if inspecting the dark liquid.

As Axton thought about the situation, he realized it was entirely possible that Zer0 could not drink. Axton had never seen Zer0 remove his helmet, and had therefore never seen Zer0 consume any substances or liquids. Just watching the assassin was a spectacle. A question mark flashed across Zer0's helmet. Axton shook his head.

"You're hopeless." He returned to finish off his own ale when Zer0 spoke.

"That felt…good." Axton glanced sideways, before doing a double take. If he was confounded before he was downright stupefied now. The bottle in Zer0's hand was empty as if the assassin had just –

"Did you just drink that?" Axton demanded. Zer0 looked at him. "But – How?" The commando turned to Moxxi. "Did you see that? Did he just drink that without taking off his helmet?"

"I saw whatever you wanted me to see, Sugar." Axton was baffled as the smarmy waitress winked at Zer0 and he flashed her a winking emoticon in response.

"I haven't had that much to drink yet," Axton rubbed his eyes with a groan. Then, an idea. He grabbed his bottle of alcohol and set it once more in front of Zer0. The assassin dutifully took the glass and Axton was resolute in his decision to witness Zer0's mysterious consumption of liquor. However, the door to the pub slamming drew Axton's eyes there and back and again the bottle was empty.

"That's it, Vault Hunter," Axton stood up and jabbed his finger into Zer0's chest. He ordered two more bottles, one for himself, one for Zer0. He would discover the assassin's tricks.

But the minutes ticked by, the clock tipping toward midnight, and Axton, no matter his diligence, could not catch Zer0 in the act. It was as if there was always something to distract the commando in the moment Zer0 chose to drink. It didn't help that his own tab was filling up. How many drinks had he had? Four? No. Ten? Fifteen? His head was spinning, and Zer0 looked wobbly as well. Axton slapped the assassin on the back.

"You know something?" he asked, keeping a firm hand on Zer0's shoulder to stabilize himself while his other hand gripped the neck of a still-half full bottle. "You're really weird."

"I do not know what / is happening to me / I think I am drunk," Zer0 spoke, holding his hands out in front of him and flexing his eight fingers.

"Finally!" Axton laughed, trying to stand up, but having to sink back down into a seat for his own balance. "Wait until I tell Salvador and…and…and Maya and…that psycho guy?" Axton frowned.

"Krieg?" Zer0 supplied.

"Yes," Axton nodded, emphasizing the gesture. "Krieg." Zer0 swayed while his helmet struggled to portray the turbulence inside. At first 'WTF', then '…', a heart, a smiley and blankness. "You know what we need?" Axton asked, ever the vigilant friend. "Darts."

"Darts cannot kill some / thing, I would like to kill some / thing…" Zer0 hiccupped.

"Then let's do it."

Zer0 looked at the commando.

"I'm serious, what's a little harm out on Pandora? Fifty thousand for the one with the best hits?" It was not a smart idea to bet against a drunk assassin, but then again Axton had never boasted of intelligent thought while intoxicated and he was sure neither of them would remember this in the morning.

Zer0's helmet flashed again: LOL

"Challenge accepted."


End file.
